Divorce from Me
For the longest time I divorced myself from my fierce feminine when I went into “work mode”.
When Inara was born, I can remember looking into her face, the morning after she had arrived… I felt tired, happy, sore - and flabbergasted that my work goals, dreams and hopes had not diminished. In fact, if anything, they were clearer and more firmly rooted within me than ever before.
I stroked her face. I couldn’t get enough of her sweetness. I felt a new level of responsibility fill me. They weren’t just my dream anymore, they were hers too.
It wasn’t just me I wanted to “make it” for, it was for her!
A mom I knew commented later that week that her daughter’s arrival had heralded a pulling away from her plans/work/goals… and I heard myself quietly say… “the opposite is true for me… I want more from life and for myself, for her than I ever did before.”
I took her everywhere with me. I challenged status-quo by breastfeeding her in meetings, presentations… she was part of me.
And it was hard. Very hard. I found myself frustrated. Feeling like o
was flipping back and forth from my masculine work-mode to my feminine mom-mode.
It was exhausting.
And then, that moment of grief…
And I allowed myself to soften - to strengthen.
To follow the pull, not initiate the push.
To lean into what scared me, and breathe through it.
To remember that that Niggle is truly Divine Intuition.
And that it is safe to speak my truth.
Even when (and as) my voice shakes.
Embracing my own fierce powerful feminine nature, knowing my nature is to nurture, create and connect. Leaning back, way way way back into my feminine flow… knowing there, there is the centre of my power. My Rhythms.
Setting deep boundaries.
Listening to the whispers of my soul.
Speaking from that place of wise-woman wisdom.
I already know.
I already am.
I already can.
Their threats of “just wait until you have two!”
Indeed. I know intuitively it will demand all of me.
It will demand more of me than anything else has.
And I also know I haven’t yet begun to tap the depth of my own capacity.
For love. For life. For fierce feminine presence.
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