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  • Candice Smiley, KA

Abdication

I am very glad that I don’t live in Texas at the moment. There is a new abortion law now in Texas and it prohibits women from getting an abortion after 6 weeks of pregnancy (and they make no exception for rape or incest issues!) and anyone helping a woman to get an abortion after 6 weeks of pregnancy, liable and can be fined.


This law directly goes against Roe Vs Wade - which the Supreme court will tackle when it gets back into session in October.


Bette Midler had it right when she said that they got the bill done and signed in the night, and knew it would pass because as women we are so used to being gaslit. The fact that that’s true is what is currently making me the most angry. (https://people.com/health/bette-midler-advises-women-refuse-sex-with-men-protest-texas-abortion-law/)


This is something I know a little bit about. From the romantic partner who cheated on and left me with over $350 K of his bad debt or the would-be ex husband who fathered a child with me, then has continued the financial, verbal and mental abuse that plagued our relationship.


It's an abdication of the responsibilities and duties of a father.


At the time of writing this,I am sitting 8 months pregnant with my second child - and gratefully so. I would call myself very pro-life. I’ve always said, if I’m having sex and I get pregnant, I am carrying to term and I will be a mother. I have also always said to the sperm provider, aka sexual partner, if you have sex with me, and I get pregnant, I will be holding your feet to the fire. You will be held responsible and you will be asked to, no actually required to, support this child financially. So - still want to have sex? Great, I have the condom in my purse. Why did so many men never have a condom on hand?


And why am I looked at like a whore for having one on hand? Because I was an empowered sexually active woman, who chose to powerfully make sure that I was protecting myself from an unplanned pregnancy or an STI/STD. SMART.


TMI for you, maybe; but I have grown weary - and now become angry - at this abdication energy from men. For those of you who have read alongside me for a while, you know what an advocate I am for gender equality and men/women gender conversation.


I am also very done with the abdication culture that men, their brothers and their sons have brought forward. It's not just about the #MeToo movement for me, it's so much deeper than that. It’s seeing, over and over, this shirking of responsibility, lack of empathy or follow through, this “peace-ing out” that men seem to be able to think they are allowed to do. Regardless of the reason, but often the “reasons” are: I'm tired, I’m overwhelmed, I am not financially able, I’m not ready, I had other plans, I can’t do it, or this isn’t fair.


Right.


Then who do you think picks up the slack? Who finds the energy, who tackles the overwhelm, who takes on more work, who sucks it up, who cancels their plans and puts their lives on hold and who learns that they can even when it isn’t fair and its very hard? You guessed it. The mother.


And when you take away her right to her own body, to make a choice about her autonomy or her (and the child’s financial future) without making a powerful provision that the sperm donor part of the child in question created to be 100% responsible too - well that just makes it worse.


No way men who sign into a law anything that might hold themselves or their brothers or sons to that level of responsibility. You father a child; you are responsible for the child. Get a second job, stay up late and don’t get sleep, put your career on hold, sacrifice your work/rest routine, provide a safe place or funds for the mother of your child. Grow up, learn to communicate, plan for school fees, college fees - this is your life now.


Where does this violent subliminal abuse against women come from? Why does the small appendage between your thighs guys give you the right to use, abuse and leave women?


This is a law created by men so they can continue their millennial old abuse against women. It is not about the LIFE of the child or the LIFE of the mother - it is 100% about CONTROL.


And you good guys wonder why we are so angry? Or you say, “well I’m on your side”, and “I agree with you.” Great - then do something about it. Say something about it on your social media. Own it. Preach it. Say it. For goodness sake, DO something about it.


Because I can promise you this. We women will be.


We will see your lack of action as apathy and we will be angry and we will do something.

We will hear your silence, and we will speak up and speak out… and you won’t like what you hear.

You will say - wait a minute, don’t count me in all of this, I am not like them.


And we will look at your inaction and we will silently know that somewhere within you, you must agree with them, or that you are honouring the bro code over the lives of women (and unborn children). Over the lives of mothers who will raise the next generation of bros for you.


And we will see you as cowards, and our respect will diminish. Even if we love you.


And we will work hard for change, as we have done, and as we will continue to do. We will continue to stand, to protest, to speak and to rally for our sisters - for ourselves - for our rights and for our freedoms, because we know that men won’t. We will await for the white haired generation that devalues women to die, and we will work tirelessly to raise boys who value women.


So keep leaving us without recourse or support… and leave us raising the children you refuse to be accountable to or for. We are slowly, slowly, slowly making change.


I need to believe that misogyny can’t go on forever.


Links:

Unplanned Pregnancy

Roe Vs Wade

More to Read on Texas Senate Bill 8






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