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  • Candice Smiley, KA

As I was deleting over 4.9 K friends off facebook my mind wandered. I watched the app I installed systematically go through name by name. It was a candid walk down memory lane. Some names inspired a smile, some caused my face to darken. Some caused surprise - wait, who? I’m still friends with that person? Or wait - omg - I haven’t connected with that person in FOREVER!


And the bigger questions - was it by intention or by default?

Who?

Who are they?

Who are they to me?

Who was I when I allowed them in?


What?

What do they do?

What do they offer to me?

What do I offer to them?

What was my intent or purpose when we aligned?

What was going on in my life?

What was I doing/thinking/believing?


Why?

Why did I?

Why did they?

Why did we?


When?

When was this?


Systematically deleting or archiving all of my posts from the present to July 2009 (when I became active on FB) was like wandering backwards through my own timeline. Observing my own evolution. What had changed - mindsets, ideas, thought processes, groups, alignments… and what had stayed the same… mindsets, ideas, thought processes, groups and alignments.


As I let go, let go, let go, and let go - I felt freer and freer and lighter.

More open.

More creative.


And I wondered… just how long had I really been resisting the flow FROM facebook.


How much did "should" play into that?


Grateful, yes, for the connections and the blessings that came though the platform. The friends I made, the things I’d learned…


And the bliss at letting it go.


CS





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  • Candice Smiley, KA

I am very glad that I don’t live in Texas at the moment. There is a new abortion law now in Texas and it prohibits women from getting an abortion after 6 weeks of pregnancy (and they make no exception for rape or incest issues!) and anyone helping a woman to get an abortion after 6 weeks of pregnancy, liable and can be fined.


This law directly goes against Roe Vs Wade - which the Supreme court will tackle when it gets back into session in October.


Bette Midler had it right when she said that they got the bill done and signed in the night, and knew it would pass because as women we are so used to being gaslit. The fact that that’s true is what is currently making me the most angry. (https://people.com/health/bette-midler-advises-women-refuse-sex-with-men-protest-texas-abortion-law/)


This is something I know a little bit about. From the romantic partner who cheated on and left me with over $350 K of his bad debt or the would-be ex husband who fathered a child with me, then has continued the financial, verbal and mental abuse that plagued our relationship.


It's an abdication of the responsibilities and duties of a father.


At the time of writing this,I am sitting 8 months pregnant with my second child - and gratefully so. I would call myself very pro-life. I’ve always said, if I’m having sex and I get pregnant, I am carrying to term and I will be a mother. I have also always said to the sperm provider, aka sexual partner, if you have sex with me, and I get pregnant, I will be holding your feet to the fire. You will be held responsible and you will be asked to, no actually required to, support this child financially. So - still want to have sex? Great, I have the condom in my purse. Why did so many men never have a condom on hand?


And why am I looked at like a whore for having one on hand? Because I was an empowered sexually active woman, who chose to powerfully make sure that I was protecting myself from an unplanned pregnancy or an STI/STD. SMART.


TMI for you, maybe; but I have grown weary - and now become angry - at this abdication energy from men. For those of you who have read alongside me for a while, you know what an advocate I am for gender equality and men/women gender conversation.


I am also very done with the abdication culture that men, their brothers and their sons have brought forward. It's not just about the #MeToo movement for me, it's so much deeper than that. It’s seeing, over and over, this shirking of responsibility, lack of empathy or follow through, this “peace-ing out” that men seem to be able to think they are allowed to do. Regardless of the reason, but often the “reasons” are: I'm tired, I’m overwhelmed, I am not financially able, I’m not ready, I had other plans, I can’t do it, or this isn’t fair.


Right.


Then who do you think picks up the slack? Who finds the energy, who tackles the overwhelm, who takes on more work, who sucks it up, who cancels their plans and puts their lives on hold and who learns that they can even when it isn’t fair and its very hard? You guessed it. The mother.


And when you take away her right to her own body, to make a choice about her autonomy or her (and the child’s financial future) without making a powerful provision that the sperm donor part of the child in question created to be 100% responsible too - well that just makes it worse.


No way men who sign into a law anything that might hold themselves or their brothers or sons to that level of responsibility. You father a child; you are responsible for the child. Get a second job, stay up late and don’t get sleep, put your career on hold, sacrifice your work/rest routine, provide a safe place or funds for the mother of your child. Grow up, learn to communicate, plan for school fees, college fees - this is your life now.


Where does this violent subliminal abuse against women come from? Why does the small appendage between your thighs guys give you the right to use, abuse and leave women?


This is a law created by men so they can continue their millennial old abuse against women. It is not about the LIFE of the child or the LIFE of the mother - it is 100% about CONTROL.


And you good guys wonder why we are so angry? Or you say, “well I’m on your side”, and “I agree with you.” Great - then do something about it. Say something about it on your social media. Own it. Preach it. Say it. For goodness sake, DO something about it.


Because I can promise you this. We women will be.


We will see your lack of action as apathy and we will be angry and we will do something.

We will hear your silence, and we will speak up and speak out… and you won’t like what you hear.

You will say - wait a minute, don’t count me in all of this, I am not like them.


And we will look at your inaction and we will silently know that somewhere within you, you must agree with them, or that you are honouring the bro code over the lives of women (and unborn children). Over the lives of mothers who will raise the next generation of bros for you.


And we will see you as cowards, and our respect will diminish. Even if we love you.


And we will work hard for change, as we have done, and as we will continue to do. We will continue to stand, to protest, to speak and to rally for our sisters - for ourselves - for our rights and for our freedoms, because we know that men won’t. We will await for the white haired generation that devalues women to die, and we will work tirelessly to raise boys who value women.


So keep leaving us without recourse or support… and leave us raising the children you refuse to be accountable to or for. We are slowly, slowly, slowly making change.


I need to believe that misogyny can’t go on forever.


Links:

Unplanned Pregnancy

Roe Vs Wade

More to Read on Texas Senate Bill 8






  • Candice Smiley, KA

Updated: Sep 10





I had no idea it would be so cathartic to leave facebook. The more posts I archived and deleted, the freer I felt.


I got into my jeep for a drive mid process and found myself tearing up. I was feeling so much relief. How long had I been feeling this much angst about Facebook? And, the question really isn’t “why did I leave facebook” but rather, “why didn’t I leave sooner?”.


I didn’t leave sooner because of a deep-seated scarcity belief. I felt I needed facebook - or rather the abundance of connections on there. And, whoa, wait, yes… gawd, yes, I love my network - that’s not what I am saying. But I didn't allow myself the freedom to close down or leave a platform that gave me access to some of that network because I was afraid.


I am slowly, daily… cracking open this scarcity belief, lovingly releasing it layer upon layer, upon layer as I find it's insidious effect on every single area of my life. Love. Life. Money. Business.


I have observed over the last few years that it is the letting go, saying no to, the stopping or the walking away from that usually opens me, leads me to, or offers to me the most wonderful of life.


If I hadn’t left my government job all those years ago (and the safety of steady pay check) I wouldn’t have seen, experienced or accomplished as much as I have in my career and in my life.


If I hadn’t broken up with the guy or left the marriage or been brave enough to say, “this or better”, I would not have the love, baby(ies) or the life I do now.


If I had not closed the door, sold the car, sold the house or let go of all the things, I would not be who, or where I am today.


As I minimize the stuff, distractions and detour potentials in my life - the opportunity for the life I REALLY WANT TO LIVE becomes more and more of a reality. It is almost paradoxical isn’t it?


For me it feels like relief.

To me it almost seems like magic.

For me it opens up more space for creativity, thought and growth.


And of course this point. Time. Time. Time. Time.

That thing that cannot be managed, controlled, slowed or stopped in any way.

Stealer of moments and life.


What is most important for me to be investing in right now?


For years I subscribed to the cult of busy…

And I am. So. done. With that.

Less. is. more.


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